Life is so busy. Going from two to three is a big jump...especially when you add a 3 year old. My house is always loud and I feel like I need to wear a black and white stripe shirt most days acting as our in-house ref. I finally learned for the most part to let them just have it out. To ignore it mainly and only focus on a few things. I got to the point where hearing my own voice was annoying.
The dynamics in our family has shifted and all kids are trying make our family puzzle work. Jack went from youngest to middle and the struggle there was painfully obvious...demanding all attention. Miss D went from the only child to a house of 3 and sharing was not in her vocabulary...but hitting and biting were. Keegan turned into a full fledged Kindergartner...getting no naps...and is super tired when he gets home making afternoons miserable. Jack has missed Keegan so much while he has been at school and occasion has cried himself to sleep at nap time missing him.
In all of this I almost feel like things are beginning to settle a bit. There are days that I want to go outside and scream, and there are days where everyone seems to play together nicely. Miss D's hitting and biting streak has dramatically lessened, however the defiance has been kicked up a notch. "No" and "I don't want to" are her new phrases and boy...does that drive me UP THE WALL!!! Consistency has to be key with her, so time outs are given every time she says that..every time. We both hate it, however I "think" she is getting the point that she can not disrespect me.
Last week she had her dental work done and after two visits, she has a shiny new "grill". Three silver teeth up top in the front and two in the back. We had to go back the second time because the dentist thought that a giant white tooth in-between two silver teeth looked right. (this was after I requested all silver) Um...no...it looked like a giant white tooth with 2 missing teeth on both sides of it. So, he made it silver and now it looks more uniform.
We had lots of one on one time while she was recovering from the dental work. She seemed to soak in the attention and her behavior seemed better. She kept on calling me "mommy" off and on and I told her that she could call me that if you wanted to. Now she is calling me mommy more than Mrs. Michelle. However, she informed me the other day that she has another mommy too. In a weird way, I feel sad for her other mommy.
Emotionally, this foster to adopt situation is super hard for me. The love I need for Miss D is just not natural. You think it should be that you are rescuing a child out of a situation and that you automatically will love them. I keep praying that God will give me an eternal love for her and something so unexplainable that I can only attribute to Him working through me. I care for her deeply, but am begging God to make me smitten with her like I am with my own boys.
God has a lot of work to do in our family...but I know He can do it and it will be amazing.
In the mean time...I will just put on my black and white stripe shirt and keep training my kids to follow God and walk in His truth...even when it is hard.