Monday, March 3, 2008

Wacky Monday

My mom used to read a Dr. Seuss book to me called 'Wacky Wednesday". The concept of the book is that a boy wakes up and realizes that his whole day has gone "wacky". It was my favorite book growing up and today I think I have experienced one of those wacky days.
*For those of you men who are uncomfy with gynecological things, you might want to stop reading.*

Today I had my appointment to have my interuterine "birth control" device put in place. I was a little nervous about having something strange in my body for 5 years, but normal birth control makes me super emotional and I just can not take it. (Linda, you can confirm that can't you?)

First Wacky Scenerio:
I was called back and asked if I needed to go to the bathroom. So of course, I do that so at least I can be a little comfortable. I go to my room, wait for my nurse and gaze at the table in front of me. It was full of strange gadgets (for lack of a better term) and I was freaking out inside a bit wondering exactly what gadget will be used for what. My nurse comes in and asks me to give her my "sample". I said, "Oh sorry, I did not know you needed it." She looked at me with a strange look. I continue, "I was not asked to get a urine sample, and I know I am not pregnant." She looked at me strange again and said, "No, we need your "sample" (with a little more emphasis). I said, what "sample"? It was like a ping pong match of confusion. After a couple seconds of silence, she says quietly, "Your husbands sample". I am searching through the interuterine device handbook in my mind trying to remember how my husband had anything to do with it. I then cut to the chase and said, "I am here for a placement of a interuterine device". She starts laughing hysterically, "Oh...your chart says you are here for insemination." Without skipping a beat, I said, "OH NO!!, please no!"

Second Wacky Scenerio:
So, I am guided to another room with some friendlier gadgets. The procedure went so much better than my doctor expected and I had no cramping. She shares with me that when she had her placed she fainted during the placement. My nurse was all smiles because I was a happy patient. They left the room and I get up to put my clothes on.
Then the next wacky thing happened. I passed out. Before I woke up, I vividly remember that my mind was racing like my life was flashing before me. I opened my eyes and I am laying on the ground, my eye excessively watering, and I am only in my underwear (of which I don't remember putting on). I don't know where I am or why I was there. It took a few seconds and it all came back to me. I get up (in my shirt and underwear) and peek out the door and said, "Dr., I think I passed out". Nurses came rushing to the door and instead of looking into my eyes they were looking above them at the HUMUNGO knot on my head. I hit my head on something hard on the fall down.
They take me straight to the ER to make sure that I was okay and most importantly was not a more serious head injury. 3 hours later I leave the ER with just a major headache and praise the Lord nothing else wrong.

If I would have thought it was funny at the time, I would have taken a picture of my head, because really it was a sight to see. The bump was literally raised an inch and a half off my head. If you have ever seen a cartoon where the character gets bonked on the head and it bulges out, that is pretty much a good example. When in the ER, I kept catching the gaze of eyes around the room looking at me and when I met their gaze they looked away. I was quite the spectacle and people could not stop looking.

Here was my head 7 hours later and I am relieved that it is not huge anymore. It will be a nice bruiser for sure.

So FYI, if you ever want to get that kind of birth control, just make sure that a nurse stays with you when you are getting dressed and would wait to get into a car for a good hour afterwards. I was the first patient that has ever fainted (in their office) after it was placed and not during..and they put them in all the time. So I am sure that I have been made an example today for office procedure. Lucky for them we are not the suing type, but hopefully they will pay for our ER trip! :)


Amanda said...

Oh my gosh! If it were not so late I would call you right now. What craziness! Look at your poor head! Okay, so WHY on earth does this thing cause fainting? I'm intrigued. And also very relieved that you are okay.

Tara said...

Oh my goodness, that sure was a wacky Monday! You poor thing! Glad to hear your ok.

courtney said...

I don't even know how to comment on this! I'm so glad you ended up being okay, but my gosh!

Janelle & Ella said...

What in the world?!! That is the craziest story!! Like Amanda said, if it wasn't so late and if I had a voice right now I would call you. This is a must conversation! I'm so sorry. I can't believe that happened to you. I was cracking up when the nurse thought you were there for an insemination. Did you need to tell her your history with pregnancies? :-) BTW...your eye make up looks fabulous in the first bump picture.

Murrell Family said...

I am so sorry and I'm glad you're okay! That is a crazy do you always have things happen to you that make interesting stories?

Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness! Michelle, what a WACKY MONDAY that was! Just be happy you did not pass out and get inseminated, LOL! Just kidding! I hope you get to feeling better!


Anonymous said...

ok, i realize that you getting hurt in the process of all of this is not a good thing, but oh my gosh, i am laughing so hard! my favorite thing about it is that the whole fainting episode sounds like a something in a cartoon, not just the bump, the whole thing. i am sorry about the fantastic bruise and pain you are going to have for a few days, but so far this is the funniest thing i've heard all day. forgive me for laughing at your pain. :)

The Reeves Family said...

Your blog postings provide so much humor--sorry for laughing! WOW! The missing nipple, Keegan throwing up everywhere, and a fainting patient that almost became impregnated!!! You crack me up.

Anonymous said...

Wow, oh wow! I'm sorry - I laughed out loud on the first wacky thing - because I was envisioning your face when she told you what 'sample' she wanted!
That is some kind of bump! And I also want to know why it causes fainting - I've never heard of that. Friend, I'm just glad that you are okay!!


Amy said...

i'm with janelle...i was thinking how great your eye make-up looked...sorry for your wacky day!

Lauren said...

Oh. My. Gosh. That knot looks formidable! What an experience! Sure hope that birth control works!!!

The Self Cottage said...

oh wow, what a story! Your poor little head. I must confess i did laugh, but only because it would only happen to you! So glad you are okay. I still can't believe you actually woke up and had to tell them you fainted! You are so precious! love you

Sunni at The Flying Mum said...

OH MY! Wow! I kind of got the giggles when I heard you woke up half-dressed. We've all done the hurried-get-dressed-again in the doctor's office, and I can't imagine your thoughts when you woke up like that!