My mom used to read a Dr. Seuss book to me called 'Wacky Wednesday". The concept of the book is that a boy wakes up and realizes that his whole day has gone "wacky". It was my favorite book growing up and today I think I have experienced one of those wacky days.
*For those of you men who are uncomfy with gynecological things, you might want to stop reading.*
Today I had my appointment to have my interuterine "birth control" device put in place. I was a little nervous about having something strange in my body for 5 years, but normal birth control makes me super emotional and I just can not take it. (Linda, you can confirm that can't you?)
First Wacky Scenerio:
I was called back and asked if I needed to go to the bathroom. So of course, I do that so at least I can be a little comfortable. I go to my room, wait for my nurse and gaze at the table in front of me. It was full of strange gadgets (for lack of a better term) and I was freaking out inside a bit wondering exactly what gadget will be used for what. My nurse comes in and asks me to give her my "sample". I said, "Oh sorry, I did not know you needed it." She looked at me with a strange look. I continue, "I was not asked to get a urine sample, and I know I am not pregnant." She looked at me strange again and said, "No, we need your "sample" (with a little more emphasis). I said, what "sample"? It was like a ping pong match of confusion. After a couple seconds of silence, she says quietly, "Your husbands sample". I am searching through the interuterine device handbook in my mind trying to remember how my husband had anything to do with it. I then cut to the chase and said, "I am here for a placement of a interuterine device". She starts laughing hysterically, "Oh...your chart says you are here for insemination." Without skipping a beat, I said, "OH NO!!, please no!"
Second Wacky Scenerio:
So, I am guided to another room with some friendlier gadgets. The procedure went so much better than my doctor expected and I had no cramping. She shares with me that when she had her placed she fainted during the placement. My nurse was all smiles because I was a happy patient. They left the room and I get up to put my clothes on.
Then the next wacky thing happened. I passed out. Before I woke up, I vividly remember that my mind was racing like my life was flashing before me. I opened my eyes and I am laying on the ground, my eye excessively watering, and I am only in my underwear (of which I don't remember putting on). I don't know where I am or why I was there. It took a few seconds and it all came back to me. I get up (in my shirt and underwear) and peek out the door and said, "Dr., I think I passed out". Nurses came rushing to the door and instead of looking into my eyes they were looking above them at the HUMUNGO knot on my head. I hit my head on something hard on the fall down.
They take me straight to the ER to make sure that I was okay and most importantly was not a more serious head injury. 3 hours later I leave the ER with just a major headache and praise the Lord nothing else wrong.
If I would have thought it was funny at the time, I would have taken a picture of my head, because really it was a sight to see. The bump was literally raised an inch and a half off my head. If you have ever seen a cartoon where the character gets bonked on the head and it bulges out, that is pretty much a good example. When in the ER, I kept catching the gaze of eyes around the room looking at me and when I met their gaze they looked away. I was quite the spectacle and people could not stop looking.
Here was my head 7 hours later and I am relieved that it is not huge anymore. It will be a nice bruiser for sure.
So FYI, if you ever want to get that kind of birth control, just make sure that a nurse stays with you when you are getting dressed and would wait to get into a car for a good hour afterwards. I was the first patient that has ever fainted (in their office) after it was placed and not during..and they put them in all the time. So I am sure that I have been made an example today for office procedure. Lucky for them we are not the suing type, but hopefully they will pay for our ER trip! :)